This Week in High Fashion: I'm calling out FLARE Magazine...

This Week in High Fashion: I'm calling out FLARE Magazine...

Today at 10:29am

Yeah that's right Flare...
As I was shamefully browsing through msn.com... I stumbled upon a little tidbit featuring the "Top 10 Trends from Paris Fashion Week"
First, I have to give them kudos for being able to wrest 10 trends from the sorry mess that tromped down the runway this season, I could find about 25 things to avoid for Spring/Summer 2010, but that's about it.
But, once the kudos are dispensed and you're feeling all awesome about it... then I have to get serious... really Flare...would you wear HALF of those 10 trends??? Some lime green-"Ugg inspired boot/shoes" from Louis Vuitton? Nothing is inspired by Ugg. I dare you to wear those and not get pointed and laughed at.... does Luis Vuitton really expect their purchasing public to be blind to the harsh reality of just how heinous those things are? I mean honestly... the blindness is creeping in.

I found WAY better shoes at Paris fashion week that didn't come with the ultra recognizable label of the sainted LV. Speaking of which, I'm sure I mentioned that LV has taken a bit of a flaky/unwearable twist...and those boots just prove it.
The way better shoes are from Russian designer Alena Akhmadullina.
I would wear these...they're like Space Geisha shoes.

Trend # 1
Flare, I do not think "military" means what you think it means. Call me a bluff old traditionalist... but to me, military is sharp tailoring, brassy buttons, stovepipe legs, epauletes, maybe some festive braid...
It doesn't mean Alexander McQueen's gold lame mess that Flare is calling a "flightsuit" I understand the idea/concept/inspiration angle of things... but give me a break...

THIS is a flightsuit.

Trend #2
Shoulder Details
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this fall under military? Or bad 80's revival? Flare's example is a Gaultier creation where the shoulders have been cut off of the jacket (rendering it akin to the shirts that all the little hobags I knew in highschool in the 90's wore... it's a long sleeve, but look how sexy my shoulders are style top) and praising the exposed conical shoulder details beneath.... again, to my mind... SHOULDER PADS.
Although again, I may just be bitter because he's a genius... it's happened before. Do us all a favour JPG... just cut the damn arms off of the jacket and put the cones on the bra again.

Trend #3
African Prints
Sadly, I can't say much about this title... except that why split hairs and say specifically AFRICAN PRINTS... there were prints EVERYWHERE at Paris Fashion Week... some ugly, some not... some appropriate, some so not. So what I'm really saying here, is why are you hating on the rest of the prints Flare? There was ONE designer that I saw with African Prints... ONE. It's not like that year where EVERYONE did plaid or checks...

Trend #4
I only have one sentence to encapsulate how I feel about this... and I'm going to put it all in caps.

Trend #5
This one, I have no issue with.
Galliano, Gaultier and Valentino all brought out some GORGEOUS lingerie and lingerie inspired creations for S/S 2010.
I can't fault them at all for this.
As for a "trend" I really hope that underwear will always be a trend... I don't know if I would personally highlight as a trend something that is a societal norm. That's like saying shoes are a trend...
What about a different spin on the "lingerie as trend" idea... like... look how organic and pretty all of the lingerie is for next season... how Gaultier is bringing a more romantic touch to his cone bra? Come ON, Flare.

Trend #6
Do I HAVE to comment on how I REALLY feel about this?
Fashion is trending in a direction that I was hoping it wouldn't... namely the Ziggy Stardust direction. But I've seen way too many Jetson's themed creations than I care to list this runway season.
Flare calls them "not so easy to wear" and I'd have to agree, but considering how excited they were about McQueen's "flight suits" I was expecting a little more enthusiasm for lazy dressing. I mean, what could be more awesome than just putting on ONE piece of clothing and getting a full outfit? No one? Really? But you can acessorize with a shiny belt....
Personally, the only think I like about this jumpsuit is the evil queen collar. That's it though.

Trend #7
What is the LWD do you ask? WELL, it's the Little White Dress of course.
Again, I will handle this with one sentence, and again, all in caps.
This is an annual occurrance... NOT a trend.

Trend #8
Nude Tones
I'm not putting it in caps this time. I'm not arguing with you, Flare... there was a lot of nude, and cream and blushy pink on the catwalks of Paris. But why? Why? Becuase that's what Spring and Summer are all about. Highlighting the skin, giving the illusion of actual nudity, and making men think about nudity... there is a reason that "in Spring a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of love... " It's becuase we're wearing next to nothing!!!
"Black and white, with a dash of navy here and there, is a given"? Only in Winter Flare...
With the European runway trend of bare faced or natural faced models with natural hair... why shouldn't the clothes be beautiful and feminine and natural looking?
I hate your sense of "quelle surprise!" Flare. Hate.

Trend #9
The new shoe.
You mean the fugly shoe for women with no sales resistance?
We've spoken about this.
Trend #10
I had a little fit about unwearable ruffles earlier in the week. And it's not that I don't like ruffles... ok I don't like ruffles... but I can appreciate a well placed or well tailored or dramatic addition of the said ruffle on a flamenco dress. This ruffle trend... I cannot appreciate without a due sense of morbid dread.
Is it just me, or does this ruffle "detail" look shockingly 80's prom dress to you?
That's what it looks like to me.
The 80's have not been dead, nor will they ever be dead long enough for me to be happy to see their trends return. Especially if we're leaving the out-there makeup behind.

I'm sorry Flare, it's not that I don't like you, it's just.... well.... yeah.... Hmm. Awkward.

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