Courtney Love...makeup artist....?

Courtney Love... makeup artist....?

Today at 11:21am

Doesn't every little girl dream of being a princess or a rock star... or maybe just looking like one?
Well, Courtney Love is here to solve ALL of your problems.... with makeup, skin advice, recommendations to a great plastic surgeon, and an oxycontin prescription.

Does it surprise you that good 'ol Courts is obsessed with makeup tutorials on YouTube? It shocks the hell out of me. So... to satisfy this obsession... she made one of her own and posted it on Twitter.

Now, I'm obsessed with YouTube makeup tutorials... but I would never make one... and I'm a makeup artist!
Courtney (thankfully?) states very clearly "I am by no means a makeup artist". Um. Thanks for clarifying... but no shit. To be fair... no one needs to be anything special to make a YouTube video...m y brother made a YouTube video about removing fluid from a MMA fighter's ear with a syringe. Other people I know have a video playing on a slide at a playground that has over 500 000 hits. *shrug*

So darlings... to see how Courtney Love gets that healthy glow, those drag eyebrows, fucked up hair, and just slept on whore look... check out this link and tell me if YOU would copy her look!


BTW, she plugs Sephora products, which are totally decent.
Try them out... but not with this tutorial... please.

Thank you to Jenn for sending me the stupid stupid link.

This Week in High Fashion: Hong Kong BABY!

This Week in High Fashion: Hong Kong BABY!

Today at 9:31am

It’s almost February, possums…and where the hell did this month go? It seems like only yesterday I was cleaning the remnants of New Years off the front deck and hauling the leftover Christmas cheer to the recycling bin…
But you know what this means… well it means a lot of things, but for the moment… it means HELLO RUNWAY.
I have to be honest with you, kittens. I did start this blog thing to record or somehow try to comment on or maybe even (I flatter myself) predict the trends in makeup coming from the runways of the world… I am a makeup artist after all. But I was sidetracked into commenting on fashion instead because I was so utterly HORRIFIED at the lack of makeup on the runways of the world. What are women supposed to follow to get their makeup trend tips?? FLARE???? NO NO NO. Flare would have you all wearing thigh high boots and frosty blue eyeshadow. I couldn’t let that happen. I have high hopes for the 2010 fashion season, I really do….and judging from what I’ve seen sneak peeks of… I might ACTUALLY be able to comment on makeup as well as fashion this year. *squee*

I’m going to start with Hong Kong Fashion week… why? Because aside from being one of the first shows of the New Year, Hong Kong also trots out some pretty hilarious stuff.
Hong Kong designer Guo Pei is my FAVORITE. Why? Because I’m pretty sure that if he doesn’t get his design ideas from reading Chinese Fairy Tales while on acid… I’m sure he MUST be on SOMETHING while wielding his design pencils. This isn’t a bad thing either… it’s fucking awesome. This guy’s tinfoil hat is the best hat ever as far as I’m concerned.

Shall we begin?
I don’t even have a whole lot to say about Guo Pei’s work that isn’t accompanied by gibbering foolishness at how supremely awesome his pieces are. This guy is a showman…through and through. Big collars, big jewelry, a skirt that looks like a giant silken cupcake wrapper, big MAKEUP! YES I said makeup. Shows like this one give me hope for the 2010 fashion season… I see makeup, I see pageantry… and I’m very very happy about it. This is also why I'm posting the most examples of his runway... because they're ALL different kinds of awesome.

Structured cupcake sleeve in gold studded green? Yes please.

I don't know if it's fashion, or an Ostritch's ass, but I love it!

I also don't know what this is about either... but the cones really make the ensemble don't you think? Haute Couture is so much fun.

Goji Lin’s designs during the 'Taipei 'IN' Style' parade (they actually said parade, I’m not making this up), part of the Taiwan Textile Federation... how can you tell it’s from the Textile Federation? I’ll tell you. Because it doesn’t look like it has any seams. It looks like they wrapped the model in a broadsheet of gossamer textiles, wrapped her in some ribbon, shoved a dead bird on her head and shoved her out onto the runway.
I know that Grecian inspired designs are beautiful and classic. I can also tell you that Grecian inspired designs enjoyed their largest popularity during Greece’s time as a Roman Province…so because I’m a History nerd… I’m BORED to death of Grecian gowns. It’s nothing personal, Goji… it’s just… gah.


Chinese designer Frankie Xie likes feathers. I like feathers. My roomate’s cat likes feathers. I wonder how many birds were cobbled together to make this. I also wonder how many qualms this designer has about creating a fashion statement out of several dead avians. Because while I enjoy feathers that fell of the bird naturally… I don’t enjoy dead birds attached to them. Pelts freak me out. This is a pelt. Did they put shiny things out in a trap to lure in a couple of magpies? That’s what this looks like. How does PETA feel about feathers? They’re always on about fur, you’d think they wouldn’t discriminate for the poor widdle tweet tweets. I may write them a letter.

Oh William Tang. Designing for the STYLISH yet meditative in the crowd, he seems to be exploring the untapped fashion reservoir that is Tibetan monk robes. Is your dharma feeling weighed down… well then you need a dash of William Tang… spice up your wardrobe without losing your focus on inner peace. And the barbed wire accessories? Some suffering with your style I suppose. No one gets to Nirvana without a little hardship. Celebrate the Tao in style, with William Tang.


I don't get the wire... do you get the wire? Is it representative of something? Something cosmic perhaps? I doubt it, but it's nice to dream that there's a deeper meaning somewhere in there.

My favorite part of every blog is the classic WTF moment. This week, it comes courtesy of Japanese designer Tokshikazu Iwaya. WTF is this mess?
A sequined “I <3 America” thumbs up kind of thing? SERIOUSLY… did this REALLY need pockets? Like sticky-out pockets? REALLY?? And the poor model… she not only looks like she’s been slapped in the face with a rather large fish, but look at that HAIR…that is a lot of backcombing for very little effect… and it looks crimped too. Makeup, I don’t mind… it’s heading towards Ziggy Stardust, but not enough to actually be awesome…
So to sum this up, it’s a 4th of July accident played out in the late 80’s to bad effect. Ok that’s half-assed… but seriously… WTF Iwaya-san?

*movie scream*

I’m not even going to say anything about this next creation except… love the makeup…WTF is with the shower curtain bow?

Ready for the shower. Have no fear of ruining your makeup! Best invention ever... shower, get dressed, and go out... no need to remove protective headgear!

I’d like to point out that this model, is wearing leggings that are printed with pink stars, a romper that is made out of a thermal blanket and a hat that only DSquared2 could love. That is all.

It's reflective, and so is the model.

Another contribution from the Textile Federation… again… how can you tell? Too much fabric… that’s how.
It brings me back to a blog of months past where the party in the front, class in the back dress was TRYING desperately to make a comeback in the pages of Flare and the runways of Paris…I didn’t buy it, and I don’t buy it now. I just keep thinking of poor Gina Davis and all the flack she took for her white Oscar gown, so many years ago.
Gioia Pan... for the fail.

Oh Geena. This is the second time I've used your fashion faux pas as an example of how designers have changed their directions, and still inevitably come back to bury their heads in the manure pile of past mistakes.


This Week in High Fashion: Let the 2010 Fashion Hype BEGIN!

This Week in High Fashion: Let the 2010 Fashion Hype BEGIN!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010 at 12:34pm

Hello Ducklings!
It’s officially 2010…and how do I know? I know because Rio has their Fashion week. *cha-ching!*
That’s the sound of me cashing in on all of my New Years wishes for a more exciting year for fashion… Rio has got me all a quiver, and I’m actually serious about this. There are models… wearing MAKEUP on these catwalks, people! You have no idea how happy this makes little ‘ol me. And not just any makeup…FUN makeup. There are also TATTOOED models! I’m not talking the “cherry blossom on the hip” or “tribal sun on the lower back” kind of tattooed models either… I’m talking HEAVILY tattooed FEMALE models. I couldn’t grin any wider if you magically turned me into the Cheshire cat. Also, among the beautiful, the flowing and the always predictably awesome Grecian goddess inspired creations, I have to note that there are some WILD fashion deviations happening here…any why, might you ask? I’ll tell you why…because Lady Gaga is a genius. I’m SERIOUS (stop crying). Being the fashion forward, freaky, free bitch that she is, everyone wants to dress this woman. Last year, everyone wanted to be Thierry Mugler and designed space case garments for J Lo and Beyonce’s respective bubble butts….this year…it’s the year of the Gaga and I don’t blame anyone for trying too hard to impress.

But enough of my ramblings! On to the Runway Porn!

I’m starting off with Teca 2010 autumn/winter because…. well…. it’s really simple and classic looking, and I like that about this piece. Although I’m pretty sure that Winters in Rio are quite a bit milder than what most of us would compare it too, I can only hope that this dress is made of wool or something else warm-ish… otherwise, with one sleeve and a whole lot of leg showing, we have our first winter fail of 2010

Ready for a steamy Brasillian.... winter.... um... yeah. ok.

I’ve also thrown in another Teca creation here…mainly for the catwalk… it’s fucking glorious. And I mean that with every syllable. Hate the dress though… it looks like Little House on the Prairie: Paris Hilton Edition. Bleh. I ignore the dress…I stare at the pretty. Oooo… disembodied chandeliers….

Don't look at the dress! Look at the shiny!

Now we get to the good stuff… Maria Bonita Extra 2010 autumn/winter… this is a mild WTF for me… so it’s not capitalized…wtf Maria Bonita? Seriously. A too big fedora and a wronkled dress with knee socks and what look to be soccer cleats do not a fashion statement make. I know that Brasil is known for its fabulous soccer players…but unless she’s going straight from here to the football pitch to battle Rhonaldino for the ball…this is so not appropriate…and is that ASTRO-TURF on your stage? Is it? Indiana Jones wants his hat back, and I hate your belt.

Schlumpy fashion...straight from Rio. I can only hope that the dress material looks better in a less humid climate.

Redley Redley Redley…another lowercase wtf for you my friend. I like purple… and I like men who wear purple… but men who wear purple pants and a purple detailed cardigan with a purple faux collared shirt? Notsomuch. That cardigan is so heinous that Mr. Rogers’ mother would beat you with her knitting needles for creating it.

He's only smiling because he's plotting your doom.

Aqcuastudio’s Autumn/winter 2010 collection looks even less like it’s built for the winter months…unless they’re specifically aiming to be worn at the various holiday parties and awards shows…but honestly, with the runway styling, it looks like their models are more ready to take a dip in the English Channel with some 1950’s bathing beauties. Nice swim caps ladies…
I DO however, LOVE the structure of these pieces… it’s a piece of architecture…not clothing…and it’s fabulous.

This is so many kinds of awesome I haven't enough space to gush about it all...the only problem I can see... walking up stairs... but really, stairs are for peasants anyway, right?

Going Swimming with Queen Victoria never looked so stylish.

Thus begins the parade of “Clothing Gaga Would Approve”. I’m happy about this list.

Melk Z Da continues the Gaganation with some pokey spiney things that may or may not have been inspired by the Legion of Doom wrestling team from the mid-90’s. But you be the judge. Actually, the facepaint is oddly comparable…. the model is like the Spring version of the Legion of Doom.
I’m curious where in the Autumns or Winter one would choose to wear this piece…and I’m also curious about how much this costs…that basketwork alone is worth its weight in rattan.

Basket weaving and spines!

Facepaint and spines!
I think Legion of Doom wins this round...

Auslander adds to the awesome with my favorite thing ever… tattooed models. I love tattooed models. I’ve heard way too many people saying things about tattooed models that usually include the words “typecast”, “ugly”, “passé” and “non-fashion”. Well screw them. Some of the most glamorous, non-typecast, fashion forward and brilliant women I know are models who happen to be tattooed, or business owners who happen to be tattooed. Now that I’m done ranting… I don’t know wtf is happening with the ensemble on this model, but I’m digging on the half gloves and the makeup is a little scary…but that’s a good thing…I’ve spent too many months and disappointed fashion week reviews that featured NO makeup that I’m not even afraid anymore… these tears…are tears of joy. That’s right…JOY. *sob sob*

Even though the white face makeup is creepy...the basketmesh makes it art. So I"m ok with it.

AND they got Rodrigo Santoro to wear nail studded gloves and stylized armor pieces.


I threw Coven in here not because I love or hate their pieces…but because even though there are barefaced models on this catwalk…CHECK THE HAIR!


We’re getting somewhere, kittens…it’s a long, bumpy, scary road…but 2010 just might be the fashion year that we’ve all be hoping for…ok well maybe just the fashion year I’m hoping for because I desperately hated the 1980’s.

Fingers crossed people…fingers crossed.

This Week in High Fashion: Winter is not an excuse to look Stupid

This Week in High Fashion: Winter is not an excuse to look Stupid

Friday, January 8, 2010 at 12:10pm

Happy New Year to all of you!

It’s been a LONG and scrumptious year in fashion…and it sure kept me busy, I sharpened my claws on all of those bad runway choices, Lindsay Lohan, barefaced models, I had a lovers quarrel with Flare magazine which ended with me leaving them…silent and stony and utterly blindsided by my strength and fabulousness. Like all exes, I’m sure they learned nothing from the experience and will likely continue to be a thorn in my side this year…the worst exes always seem to cling to what they’ve lost like rabid possums don’t they?

BUT down to business… it’s winter…and though it may not look like it here… it’s happening elsewhere with a vengeance and there are some wonderful galleries popping up featuring some fabulous, and not so fabulous winter fashions…and I couldn’t help myself…

As you may have noticed over the past year, I have an issue with regurgitated eras that don’t deserve to be regurgitated. The 80’s being the worst offender of the lot. I know that Fashion as an industry is desperate to get back to those decadent days when no one had any taste but had LOTS of money to spend. Personally, I had my fill of it when I was pretty young…but these designers, they just can’t seem to let go… Malaysian designer Zang Toi is one of those designers. WTF is going on here. Are her goggles big enough? Is that fur ruff doing anything for her core temperature? In both cases… I think a resounding NO covers all of my bases.

She'd better be wearing GIANT furry boots.

I threw this little gem in here to remind everyone that while there are some extremely talented designers in Spain…there are also some horrendous ones. I particularly hate the mish mash of fabric pairings, and the yellow lips. I want to know who their key makeup artist was so I can strive never to do this. Yellow lips on an already bloodless looking model is runway death. DEATH.

Who puts yellow lips on a pale pasty model? Honestly. You can't sit there and tell me that this was the look the designer was envisioning for their collection... and if you can... I'm curious to hear what kind of theme you think was happening here.

DSquared2 makes me embarrassed to be Canadian… I don’t know that we were ever styled as a fashionable colony back in the day… known for our braided woolen belts, cedar bark hats, Hudson’s Bay Blanket coats… the brainiacs at DSquared2 are not helping us here. Not. Helping.

I want to trade this model for her cheap sunglasses... only for the fact that I'm hoping they're dark enough that I don't have to watch this nightmare continue. DS2, we are at war.

This is fun… an Italian, designing for a Japanese Fashion house… can anyone else see what’s wrong with this picture? Aside from the John Lennon shades and the hat made out of one of my former pet rabbits? Wait… that is what’s wrong with this picture. WTF Kenzo…don’t do this to yourself. And I also see that this is from the “ready-to-wear” collection… really? Ready to wear WHERE? The gun range? The pumpkin patch? You can’t honestly expect people…and MEN for that matter, to wear something like this out in public… except perhaps ironically. That’s right, you too can be ironic for $2,000. Small price to pay for fashion, you say? If it was Fashion… I would agree. But it’s a dead rabbit made into a hat.

Kenzo... ready to wear... where?

"My compliments from me to you on this your most intruguiging hat, might I suggest instead perhaps, a bat in place of this old rat?"

You’ll all remember that Paris Fashion Week made my stomach a little wobbly. I was SO excited to see gorgeous runway theatrics, enchanting makeup, and over the top designer creations that would make me cry with their beauty and untouchable-ness. But it didn’t happen. Junya Watanabe contributed to my Pairs Fashion Week flu like symptoms. I would like to know how in the hell this is considered runway worthy… it looks like a product of that Project Runway challenge that involved sleeping bags and camping equipment… I’m guessing it’s meant to be a Winter garment? Yeah… don’t think we’ll be seeing this on the streets anytime soon… maybe Cirque du Soleil’s new winter themed show? Hm. Maybe not.

And I don't want to know what's happening with that makeup... it looks like something is coming out of the models nose...

Vivienne Westwood, you’re so quirky and cute. WHY did you make a hat that only women with giant hair can wear? I admit to half liking the jacket… why only half? Because half of the damn jacket is missing. I appreciate the idea…but tailored jackets are not the time to be fence sitting between a bolero and a blazer. Seriously. I love you Vivienne, but this looks silly.

LOOK!!!! A GIANT HAT to distract you from the HALF MADE JACKET

French Designer Rosemary Rodriquez does the unthinkable… and tried to design something “normal” for Thierry Mugler… I know that mens collections don’t lend themselves very well to the Mugler alien aesthetic… but puffy shiny aviator wear in tomato red? What would YOU do to your boyfriend/husband/gay male friend if they showed up to a party wearing something like this in a NON ironic/fetish aviation themed type way? Even the model looks pissed and can’t make eye contact. Yikes.

If WWI were fought in puffy fetish gear.

This is from a 2007 Moscow Fashion week… but I had to throw it in because it makes me want to play Tetris and drink Stolichnaya vodka.

Doesn't anyone else want vodka?

Another gem from the Pasarela Cibiles fashion show in Madrid early in 2009…What. The. Hell. I think it’s a coat, but it might be a modified strawberry pot…you know the ones with the little cups coming off of it so that the runners can grow? Yeah…

This is a dress/coat/thing that looks like a strawberry pot.

This is a strawberry pot.

Jean-Charles de Castelbajac makes my head hurt… yet another disaster from the Paris Fashion Week catwalk.. and there is NOTHING that anyone can tell me about this ensemble that makes it better, or saleable. It’s puffy, it’s shiny, it’s multicoloured. It looks like a stuffed PVC rubix cube. Is it for math geeks? Do they get a prize if they can make the jacket all one colour? Like maybe if someone can figure that out, Monsieur de Castelbajac will stop designing crap like this. A girl can dream can’t she?

This is a coat... that looks like a Rubix Cube.

This is a Rubix Cube.

I don’t know why I hate this…maybe because it looks like neither of the designers could figure out what they were trying make, but they knew deep down that they had to make it out of shiny material. A skirt? A bustle belt? Shorts? Pants? Maybe a little bit of short, a little bit of skirt? WTF. I have the same problem with the jacket. Was this a product of “Battle of the Sexes” day in the design room? “I want a blazer!” “I want a jumper!” “Buttons!” “No buttons!” . This creation makes me dizzy. And they’ve topped it off with my favorite inappropriate accessory of the season… really really tall boots. Just because you’re wearing boots, doesn’t make it winterized…it makes you look like a hooker prepared for some inclement weather.

I can't even look at it anymore... the longer I look, the more I find wrong with it.

I have a dream my darlings… maybe for 2010 I won’t have to be so catty…I won’t have to be nearly as mean…maybe I’ll be surprised…maybe just maybe…and maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt.


This Week in High Fashion: If she were alive, Marilyn Monroe would hate you.

This Week in High Fashion: If she were alive, Marilyn Monroe would hate you.

I'm talking to you Lindsay Lohan...yes you...you little tartlet.
A friend of mine passed a website on to me today with some oh so fabulous things on it...and I just couldn't help but flip up the laptop and spew about it.

Y'know how there are people that you meet in life, and they have this little thing that they love to do, but they're really not good at it, but somewhere along the line someone told them that they were awesome and could be the next big thing if they just stuck with it, and they stuck with it and now you can't get them to stop? Yeah...Lindsay Lohan is like that. Someone stared straight at her chest and told her that she could sing, act, and DESIGN clothing. WTF people.
Emmanual Ungaro was the first on the list of big names who were convinced that having Little LoHo as a consultant could make a difference in their line, and with WEEKS to prepare, a runway full of popsicle coloured giant blazers and barely there skirts were trotted out...along with a fairly drunk looking Lindsay and a rather ashamed looking main designer. Last time I checked, the guy who thought that it would be a good idea to hire her...was fired...but miraculously, Linds has been kept on.

Lo and behold...some one else thought that Lindsay Lohan was a fashion "icon"...now I put this in air quotes because when I think of fashion icons...I think of Rita Hayworth, Audrey Hepburn, Dita von Tease (yes I do), Julia Roberts, Charlize Theron, Marilyn herself....I do NOT for a SECOND think of Lindsay Lohan...that would be like thinking of Mary Kate Olsen as a style and body image role model. It's just not happening people!
Maybe I need to go to LA, maybe I need to see for myself just WTF is happening with the "world" to create a fashion icon out of a club skank.

The many looks of Lohan...oh wait...they're ALL leggings!!! She's SOOOOO iconic.

To my right, Lindsay LoHo
To the left, the silly aging designer women with money who thought this would be a good idea to pad their retirements with.

But, as usual, I digress.
I was talking about this website.
Lindsay Lohan is a designer...yes...not of dresses, not of shoes, not of anything functional...she designs....leggings. YES I said LEGGINGS.

Lindsay Lohan...posing with 2 of my most hated things ever...spandex and animal print.
You need to step away from the spandex, woman.

And not just ANY leggings...I'm talking leggings with quilted kneepads built in...and they all have names...this little number...is called "Mr. President". Is this tongue in cheek? Or tongue somewhere else? Here I thought Lindsay idolized Marilyn Monroe, the line is titled after her birthday (http://www.6126collection.com/) ...but from what I can see from this site, it's um...not working.
"Here, buy these whore leggings, you won't have to worry about rug burn when you're going down on your boss ever again! But he'd better pay you well because they're almost $200 USD."

BUT not only are they the most scandalously bad-taste pants I have ever seen...they're also sold out. And I"m not kidding.
"Inspired by MM's "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" performance, with sassy quilted leather knee patches that are all flirtatious wink. Our most popular design is also the most audacious"

"Mr President"
Retails for over $135.00 USD
Comes with SASSY quited kneepads.

How about we call it like it is...
SLUTTY kneepads.


"I'm not interested in money, I just want to be wonderful"
~Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn was a simple creature wasn't she? Lindsay is a much more complex woman...she needs that cash so she can teach other girls to think it's ok to dress like a streetwalker.

I'm sorry little girl...you are doomed. I'm all for charity, but who knows what Lindsay's passing along with her support.

I'm so excited that there's even a space on the site for Lindsay's blog...on how to live life "luminously". Something tells me she had to look up the spelling on that one. I'm also happy to report, that there are a grand total of 4 posts on the blog from March to now. How is one to live life luminously without Lindsay's guidance?????

Iconic my ass.
Oh wait...I can see her ass...and thank GOD there's a stripper pole in this picture, otherwise how would their clientele know where to wear these creations?!

Finally, since the site is covered in poor Marilyn's quotes, which were obviously chosen by someone who didn't know what the line was going to include...

"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one."
- Marilyn Monroe

Well honey...I'm so sorry, but they're using your good name to make that happen. Let the rolling in your grave commence.

If you see this beautiful, iconic, sylph of a woman and think of various styles of leggings...there is something seriously medically wrong with you.
I'm sorry Marilyn. I truly am.