This Week in High Fashion: Why I love DecemberShare

This Week in High Fashion: Why I love DecemberShare

Today at 11:24am

I love December for a few reasons, kittens… warm scarves, cable knit tights (not the strange leggings from runways past), funky boots (but not the thigh high ones from previous postings), coats to fulfill my coat fetish issues for the year, and recaps. Highlights of the year… I love them. They’re all over the radio “Songs of the year”, or on TV “Top movies of the year”, etc etc etc… trust me to find a photo essay of the “Year in Fashion”. Of course I have my favorite runway moments, which I’ve assembled for you all.

I was trying to think of an original way to present these little gems to you all, and I think I will do it….. with song.

*cough cough*

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, an overly muscled model in the trees….”

I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to revisit the horrendousness that was the DSquared2 S/S 2010 collection, but it had to happen. It was horrible. The models were all kinds of hot and ripped and yum… but all attraction dies when you see the camping gear that D2 decided to throw down the runway this year. Again… guy, we know you’re Canadian… but give us a freaking flying flaming break… NO ONE will pay that much for camping attire that isn’t from Mountain Equipment Co-Op.



WTF D2... seriously... WTF... a sleeping bag cape? Is that what's happening here? I've said it before, but I'll say it again... you're making Canadian's look bad. Not all of us camp.

“On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two Kazakh models in horrible hats for all to see…”

See now, here I have a little surprise… I didn’t know that Kazakhstan had a fashion week… but from seeing this picture, it’s probably best that I didn’t know.



Your hats may be hiding your faces, but it can't hide the fact that you're trying to be shocking in Kazakhstan, a country where being a model will not save you from being stoned for faking to kiss each other.

“On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three Lagerfeld models, who are dressed like milkmaids…”

Lagerfeld… Lagerfeld…. Lagerfeld… you will appear three times on this list… like the ghosts that haunted Ebenezer Scrooge I just can’t seem to shake you… we’ll call this one, the ghost of Christmas past, because to me, this S/S 2010 line looks like it belongs in a Vermeer painting of milkmaids circa 1658.



FAKE MILKMAIDS!



REAL MILKMAID!

“On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four models eating… and I know that you’re as shocked as me…”

Japan Fashion Week yielded some of the most interesting photos that I’ve commented on this year… mainly because there were a LOT of photos of models INHALING food…instead of downing nothing but water and cigarettes… these girls really knew how to put away the groceries (as my father in law likes to say).



Models eating??? Nooooo!

“On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. FIVE AWKWARD MOMENTS…..”

I’m going to have some fun and try to guess what is going on in this photo… you can play along too…
Model laughing in the background: “Anna Wintour said the dress wasn’t ugly, but that it made you look fatter.”
Model listening: “I hate you”
Designer: “Oh god oh god oh god, stay calm, this isn’t happening, its all a dream…imagine she’s in her underwear…yes, that makes everything easier… now I can relax… OH GOD SHE’S REAL”
Anna Wintour: “I hate everything, I can’t believe I’m in New York looking at these beaded messes and tie dyed rags.”
Bodyguard: “Step away from Miss Wintour’s hair…”
I also can’t believe that Anna Wintour isn’t wearing sunglasses…I think being able to see her eyes would terrify me more if I was that designer… you can see your death in those eyes…



Oh to be a fly on the wall... and to not be the designer who is more than likely getting reamed out by that scary woman.

“On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. another attempted comeback!”

Isaac Mizrahi, I remember when you were the KING of fashion in New York… you were quirky, you were fun, you had a little dog that all the models loved… Linda, Naomi, and Christina all wore your designs… but that was in 1990… then you started designing exclusively for Target (Tar-jay?)… and then for Fairweather when that fell through… and now… you’re at New York Fashion Week?? I see a messy skirt, and a mannish shirt with a high necked blouse… comeback after comeback after comeback and you’re still trying to turn beautiful women into men… I don’t know if you’ve got another one left Isaac…but I’m still entertained in a trainwreck kind of way…



Isaac Mizrahi thinks you're beautiful... but also thinks that you would look even MORE beautiful if you looked like a boy.

“On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. models bailing on the runway!”

Now I don’t know about you, but there is always some perverse pleasure to be taken from seeing beautiful things being broken… Beyonce falling down the stairs at a concert, models in expensive clothes and tall shoes slipping and sliding all over the shiny runway… now this may make me a bad person… but fuck it. Designers need to know that their clothes aren’t wearable… and unfortunately for the models, its their job to show us that that skirt is too tight to walk in, or the designer heels are too stupid to be in regular market circulation. (speaking of which, I don’t know HOW Alexander McQueen’s models didn’t bail down the runway at his “Plato’s Atlantis” show this year.)



Catwalk Fail.



Oh Crazy Shoes... Lady Gaga truly is the only person on earth who can wear you and not look stupid or awkward.

“On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. a runway by the sea!”

Enter the ghost of Christmas present… Lagerfeld entry number 2… Chanel's 09/10 cruise collection at the Excelsior hotel on the Venice Lido. Despite being specifically geared towards the “cruise community” I actually liked this collection…. I loved the 20’s hair, the stripes… the lace… this year was all about throwing back to previous eras… thankfully much of the throwback that was going on was to the 1920’s… so while being historically inspired in nearly every way, Lagerfeld was also tapping into a sense of the kinship that the international community was feeling with eras past who also went through hard times and came out of it with some semblance of their glamour and high spirits…. or maybe not… sometimes fashion is deep… and sometimes…. it’s really not. Like really Lagerfeld, you DO realize that the people buying clothes specifically to go cruising in generally tend to favour classy velour leisure suits, and matching sweatshirts that say “Best Vacation Ever” and “Just Maui-ed”, right? Maybe the “cruise community” in Europe is a little classier than the North American variety… for Chanel’s sake… I hope so.



People who can afford to buy these clothes... do not cruise...

“On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… several strange runway venues in creepy parts of town…”

From Milan, to New York, to here at home in Vancouver… runways were in all kinds of messed up places this year… a carpet warehouse in Gastown, an armory in New York, and some back alley in Milan… nice and classy does it folks… nice and classy… watch your Prada shoes… I think that might NOT be a puddle of water over there…. enjoy the Porta Potties Miss Wintour! Oh the shame. And people wonder why some of these fashion weeks don’t get the press they deserve…



The Armoury!
Glamorous!



The Back Alley!
Classy!

“On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… underwear and bikini’s from the runway to my tree!”

I know that Victoria Secret started a trend of making it hip and cool to have a fashion show entirely made up of hot women in very little clothing… but I’m not sure how that got to be something that was included on the Milan runway… that’s like showing Baby Phat’s newest line in Paris Fashion Week… it’s just not right… and it leaves me feeling a little dirtier than a regular showing of undies would… VC has it down to an art, and they have FUN with it because they don’t take themselves too seriously. Unfortunately, once you put it on a Milan runway, all of a sudden… they get all weird and snotty… and take their fringed underpants seriously… I’m curious what actually had to go on for a designer like “Pin-Up stars” to get on the runway…and why they didn’t request a stripper pole.



Pin-Up Stars?
How about Stripper Idol?

“On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, in a sea of barefaced models, some fun makeup for once, oh the glee!”

F/W 09/10 Chanel, actually had makeup…after a fashion season that started off horribly enough in Barcelona and continued on through the various Fashion Weeks with parade after parade of bare faced, glossy faced or NO MAKEUP models, I’m always happy to see SOME kind of effort in this department. I am however, very sad that it’s come to this… haute runways are supposed to be about glamour, over the top beauty, and fantasy… so I have to admit that I was pretty crushed this year… the few bright spots that did come up, were minimal to say the least, but when help up against their competition… I guess I’ll take the best of what’s around.



LASHES! ♥

“On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… some hilarious designer interviews, and the knowledge that some of them are totally cray-zee”

Karl Lagerfeld… you…. YOU are CRAZY. ‘I am a genius’, ‘I am an alien’… and like the ghost of Christmases yet to come, you show us what life would be like without your hugely dark sunglass-ed, leather-gloved, high collared presence… and some are terrified… some are upset, and some, like me… will be happy to see the House of Chanel come back from the abyss of frumpiness to which you’ve brought it…



Karkl Lagerfeld... self proclaimed visionary, genius, alien... and crazy pants.

I’ll trade you your sunglasses for this pretty metal hat I got from Lie Sang Bong…. c’mon…you know you want it….



Now receiving Karl Lagerfeld's newest innovations...

This Week in High Fashion: Flare....I'm done.Share

This Week in High Fashion: Flare.... I'm done.Share

Yesterday at 4:38pm

Flare is becoming to me like that horrible ex that you broke up with because you were sure that they were a little crazy, but didn’t realize the depth of the crazy until you’d actually ended the relationship…oh you know…the ones that cry, tell you how much they love you…that they’ll change…that you’re the ONLY one for them…that they’ll DIE without you… Really, the only thing that happens next is that you start wishing that they WOULD die without you. Well, Flare…the depth of your crazy has made me realize that I can’t give you any more chances. We talked about this…and I can see now, that it’s just not going to work out…

We just have nothing in common anymore…just this morning as I was reading through your articles, I discovered THIS gem…yes of course I still read your articles… I still CARE about you, Flare…but it’s in more of a benevolent freakishly maternal kind of way than the feelings I used to have for you.
Let’s examine what you’ve vomited into the online pool…

Top 10 Runway Looks: Party Pieces

Flare has a really really really big thing for “Top Whatever” lists… pretty soon I’ll be able to make a list of my own. “Top 10 Things I Hate About Flare”.

But, as usual, I digress. Off we go.

#1 Thakoon

“Few pieces have more versatility than a tailored oversized blazer. I love how chic this dinner jacket by Thakoon looks over sparkly wide trousers. The bold necklace - matched with slicked-back locks - is essential. You can pair the jacket with all of your party pieces, including a simple black dress.”

You’re right…FEW pieces have the versatility of a huge schlumpy blazer which despite its expensive tailoring still manages to look like you stole it out of your dad’s closet circa 1976. I personally HATE how this blazer looks…it looks tired, sloppy, uncomfortable, and ill-fitted. It’s not chic, it’s not stylish, and of COURSE you have to slick back your hair…other women expect men to not be able to dress themselves, so make yourself look as manly as possible, and try to pull this off with some HUGE jewelry and maybe some pasties from Lindsay Lohan’s Emanuel Ungaro collection to remind people that you ARE a woman. How about this instead…a FITTED blazer??? There is NOTHING sexier than a woman in a fitted blazer, with wild curls and some sexy smoke-y dark eyes and a hot red, or berry luscious lip. ARG



Give your dad back his blazer...

#2 Stella McCartney

“Purple looks great on everyone. This sweetly simple royal purple frock is the perfect solution for a family dinner or drinks with the girls. The velvet booties make it super chic for now, or you can strap on sparkly sandals for a dressier occasion.”

First of all, this isn’t true. Purple DOESN’T look good on everyone. Secondly…who the hell goes to family dinners in a $1500 dress and velvet booties?? REALLY. I’m not even going to talk about how short it is, or how horrible empire waisted dresses look on women with no shape. I’m sorry, I just cant. I love me some Stella MC…but I just can’t do this right now. It looks like a child’s dress strapped onto a teenager. I am not fan. At all.
As an alternative, how about something that isn’t sheer on top? This dress would actually look great as a tunic dress with the front pleats acting as a detail instead of a feature? The ruffle at the neck or shoulder instead of the sternum? And really, purple is great, but it has its limits. Shade is super important…too blue, and you could look too pale…too red, and you end up looking washed out and blotchy. With any of the jewel shades, be mindful of your skin tone… undertones are SO important. Pink undertones vs yellow undertones…it’s important people, don’t listen to Flare and just throw on some purple randomly.



I hate your booties.

#3 Pucci

“While I love my little black dresses so does everyone else. Unfortunately wearing one will make you fade into the crowd. When you want to stand out - and as the party hostess you must! - pick an electric hue such as this gorgeous asymmetric dress by Pucci.”

I HATE your LBD’s, Flare. Why does a little black dress make YOU fade into the crowd? Because you’re a dirty little tryhard who has no idea how to accessorize. If you want to stand out and NOT look like a freak…wear your LBD and put on some big jewlery, amazing makeup, great hair and a giant smile… THAT makes you stand out. Not a HOT PINK asymmetrical MESS that doesn’t look like it would fit well if the designer herself was pinning it on you. This dress has three MAJOR things wrong with it. COLOUR. SLEEVE. COHESION. It’s 2 different dresses stapled together!! Designers get kicked off project Runway for smaller blunders!



*movie scream*



No one really expects Patricia Arquette to dress well... but seriously... this is a heinous example of the "hot one shoulder trend" that even Flare couldn't love so so much.

#4 Marc Jacobs
“While this may be a black dress , the slices of pink peeking out make it a stand-out pick. I love the 80s mix of fuchsia with black - and especially those notice-me pink accessories. Rocked out hair and 80s inspired diva makeup are a must!”

Speaking of messes… You know what else is a must, Flare? A BARF BAG. Or another drag queen. If you rolled into your company “Holiday Party” wrapped up in this disaster of a “dress” you’d either get kicked out, or be expected to start into your Diana Ross lipsynch and booty shake routine. Whatever medication Flare is taking right now, it must be cheap, and I don’t think it’s been approved by the FDA yet. And WTF is going on with the one sleeve trend??? Pick a season.. are you cold or hot? Strapless or full sleeves… you can’t sit on the fence forever!



*80's movie scream*

#5 Hervé Légér by Max Azria
“Every Hollywood starlet worth her Louboutins has several Hervé Légér bandage-wrapped dresses in her wardrobe. This one shimmers on several trend counts - the prominent one shoulder detail and the metallic bands.”

Really? Well, now that Louboutins are available online for discount prices, I don’t know how much this is actually a style-watch-word anymore. I wonder if Flares knows these star personally? Which ones are they? The search I did brought up some red carpet nightmares that I’ve seen on more than a few “Worst Dressed” lists. And I have to say something about the one shoulder detail thing… OF COURSE ITS PROMINENT…THERE’S ONLY ONE SHOULDER TO DETAIL!





"HOT" Hollywood LOVES these tired bandaid dresses.

#6 Gucci
“If a second-skin mini isn't your look, this loose tunic top and skinny leggings from Gucci are the answer. Not only will you be comfortable but you'll make a big statement with the shimmer and on-trend shoulder detail.”

You’re right, Flare…you can STILL look trashy in this fabulous piece by Gucci, because as long as you’re spending over $1000 on it, it MUST be fashionable. Right? Right? WRONG-O. It’s an oversized sweater from 1982 that you’ve stretched beyond all recognition, bedazzled and tossed on over some sparkley workout tights from your Flashdance days. Do you want to know who this looks good on? Size 0 and no one else. And even then… it’s a FUCKING CRIME. THIS is NOT fashion. I don’t even have a suggestion as to how to do it better. Just save yourself the trouble of asking someone “Do I look ok in this shiny garbage bag and leggings?” And if I see anything else about “on trend” shoulder details, I’m going to vomit all over my laptop. If you’re following trend, you deserve to wear the crap that Flare is suggesting for you.



Just because it's Gucci, doesn't mean it's fashionable.

#7 Chloe
“Not everyone wants a dress. I love this adorable French chic blouse by Chloé. While these fuller-cut velvet trousers are the newest way to wear it, the blouse would look just as fashionable with super-skinny jeans or a sleek mini.”

Y’know what… I’m going to bring up something that I seem to bring up every time I have this little chat with Flare about their disappointing love of tired fashion trends… these wide velvet pants are not “the new way to wear” things… they’re the 80's way to wear things.



Just say it with me now... EEEWWWW

80’s 80’s 80’s 80’s. Fuck the 80’s. The 80’s were a time of decadence and selfishness evidenced by the collections of designers like Lagerfeld who designed for themselves, and not for women who had jobs to go to and things to do in their daily lives that didn’t involve posing on the corner with razor sharp blush and shoulder pads that you could build bridges on… I don’t know if it’s just a global conspiracy that designers and magazines and corporate shills are trying to bring back because everyone spent money like it was going out of style or if it’s just my imagination… because that’s the ONLY reason I can see for bringing back the USELESS and fugly trends that happened in the 80’s. “The economy is bad, let’s mass produce leggings and shoulder pads and make people think that life is ok again.” Oh, and the blouse is ugly too.



#8 Balmain
“From Madonna to Rihanna, all of the rock and roll style-setters have rocketed Balmain to A-list designer status. The label's sparkling minis and embellished military jackets are seen on red carpets worldwide and have spawned a legion of knock-offs.”

I think I might possibly hate this more than anything else on this list… I also hate that Flare talks about this designer like they invented the military jacket. Last time I checked, “military style” is pretty much the knockoff…sooo what does that make Balmain? I hate this dress. It’s Thierry Mugler with a bustle attached in the wrong place, and some freakish moon boots. WTF is happening here? It’s shiny, it’s velvet or maybe satin?, its lame… hate hate hate everything about it.



UGLY!

#9 Louis Vuitton
“Combining ruching, lace, bows and candy-sweet colours, Louis Vuitton's latest collection embraces the Parisian coquette. It's an over-the-top look that focuses on attention-grabbing accessories such as boots with court heels, gathered gloves and a fuchsia clutch. It's not for the timid - no tiny jewels or ironed centre-parted locks please - this look needs major confidence!”

This. I don’t know what to say. “this look needs major confidence” because it’s FUCKING HEINOUS. There is something VERY wrong with Louis Vuitton. I know I’ve mentioned this before too… I thought it stopped with the lime green furry rain boot disasters, and what he did to Madonna at the Costume Institute Gala earlier this year…but no… I take back what I said about the Balmain grossness above. I hate THIS more than ANYTHING.



This is just a walking tragedy. Even the model looks like she KNOWS how stupid she looks.



If Louis Vuitton can do THIS to Madonna, he really doesn't care about women.

#10 Nina Ricci
“Here's the littlest of little black dresses - but one that makes a major statement with its band of turquoise shimmer. Monster-sized boots rock the understated strapless and note the sheer black hosiery. After years of bare legs with cocktail dresses, hosiery is back in a big way.”

I beg to differ here, Flare… years of bare legs with cocktail dresses? There’s a reason for that. Tights. Look. Stupid. Hosiery is only back in a big way because you’re all trying your damndest to bring the 80’s back in a big way. Well screw you. I actually LIKE this dress too. Trust Flare to ruin it with a pair of black tights, or maybe even a pair of thigh-high boots.



I actually DON'T hate this dress. The model, however... needs a tan and a ceaser salad.

Flare, you and I are clearly moving in different directions in life… for instance… you suck. I sincerely hope that the women who read your endlessly annoying Top 10 lists will realize that their brains are stronger than whatever voodoo magic you conjured to get your articles online. Flare, I thought there might be a chance for us..that we could be friends or something… that you had really really changed… but alas, you still suck, and I’m moving on up.

This Week in High Fashion: I Kind of Hate Celebrity Clothing Lines…

This Week in High Fashion: I Kind of Hate Celebrity Clothing Lines…

Yesterday at 2:24pm

Kats and Kittens… you’ve probably come to realize that Makeup and Hair by Kat has an opinion on pretty much everything. And it’s true… I do have an opinion on literally everything. Precociously enough, it’s usually negative. Not because I’m bitter (ok maybe a little) not because I’m jealous, and not because of any other roundabout Freudian reason… it’s just that I’m an opinionated type of gal… and I’m not afraid to vomit it on the interwebs to share with all of you.

So my darlings, with Fashion Weeks rapidly disappearing, what do I have left to post about? WELL… A disturbingly, alarmingly prevalent Hollywood trend that started way back in the golden ages of Hollywood glory….the celebrity shill.

shill

–noun

1. a person who poses as a customer in order to decoy others into participating, as at a a gambling house, auction, confidence game, etc.

2. a person who publicizes or praises something or someone for reasons of self-interest, personal profit, or friendship or loyalty.

Now as it used to be done, back when capitalism was new and shiney, stars would endorse products right and left…Jane Russell for Playtex bras and girdles, George Burns and Gracie Allen promoted Carnation Milk, baseball great Yogi Berra promoted everything...you get the idea.

In modern Hollywood…the big lugs in charge have convinced themselves that the common public is retarded and will buy whatever a popular star is promoting, singing, wearing, smelling like, drinking, snorting, dieting, driving, etc. Celebrity endorsements go beyond the commercials now…”You’re popular…you should make a perfume, and then release an album and a makeup line.”

Kiss. My. Ass.

SO, today I will be reviewing celebrity clothing lines…those that I semi-admire because they’re actually kind of ok at it, and those that suck and I want to beat with a sharp rock.

BEGIN!

Justin Timberlake ~ William Rast

A few things to be noted here:

a) JT doesn’t design… he just says “I like that shade of grey”

b) the company is actually run by a team of 3 other peoplec) It actually doesn’t suck for the most part, although as with any fashion house, there are some spectacular fuck ups happening on the runway.

d) Their mission statement: “New America is here, and with it, William Rast is embracing the renewed confidence and vision.” This to me is a little humorous. In reality, the “New America” is broke and terrified of itself. I don’t know if they’re tapping the right markets here…

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen ~ “Elizabeth and James” and their couture line “The Row”While MK&Assley seem to think that they’re progressing past Tar-jey and maturing in their lives and designing… you’ve really got to be joking me. Two train wrecks who can’t decide which side of the fashion fence they’re on while clearly hurtling at light speed in two different directions can in NO WAY construct a cohesive fashion line… let alone an ensemble for an evening out. One sister is rocking a boho heroin chic grande latte look, while the other would rather wear leapord print and heels. Give me a giant flying break ladies.

Kate Moss ~ Kate Moss clothing TopShop

I love original celebrity clothing line names, I really do. Why be painted into a corner by the expectations of your own label! Way to step out Kate, way to…. oh… right…

It’s been photographically proven on MANY occasions that while supermodels may wear fabulous clothing and look glamorous every day of the week…if left to their own devices, they have no freaking idea how to dress themselves. I would not wear clothing designed (read “picked out”) by this woman.

The BEST part of this… TopShop is just SPECKLED about having her on board to promote their stores.www.katemosstopshop.com

http://www.katemosstopshop.com/

My favourite part, the explanation of the Kate Moss aesthetic. “When it comes to getting dress, Kate follows her mood. Rather than rocking a catwalk look or intelluctualising current trends, Kate prefers to go with her feelings and emotions to inspire the looks we’ve come to know and love…. unlike the rest of us, it’s only for special occasions that Kate plans out her look…”

You poor poor peasants. Don’t you wish you could be Just. Like. Her.????

No. Not really. You look like crap Kate.

Jennifer Lopez ~ Sweetface Clothing + some gross perfume

“Sweetface fashion strives to be an inspiration for women.

Combining elegance with street sensibility.

”Don’t forget FUR. LOTS and LOTS of fur.

Fuck you J Lo!

But on a fashion-y level… I can’t say that I see a lot of street style in this collection…

Unless “exposed zippers” counts.

Beyonce/Tina Knowles ~ House of Dereon

Now, my program won’t let me put in all of the accents that make that title so fabulous… but you get the hint right?

Let me break Dereon down for you. Beyonce pays the bills, and in return, her mother gets to call herself a “stylist to the stars” and designs trashy dresses for runways they will never see. Riiight. Oh, and Miss B (or “Kick” according to the website) is the muse of the collection, and also gets to sing about it in her songs. Thanks Mom.

*BARF*

“Gloss on my lips, man on my hips, holds me tighter than my Dereon Jeans…”

*DOUBLE BARF*

I notice she’s wearing Thierry Mugler for ALL of her tour dates this year Mommy. Sorry.

Jessica Simpson ~ Jessica Simpson

OH. MY. GOD. What a PERFECT name for your clothing line! It’s as witty, charming, intelligent, and downright perfect as YOU are, Jessica!

I forgot to mention, sweet, overplayed, boring, fake, poorly made, and available at a Sears, Walmart and Target near you.

And I’ve noticed that a lot of these things are not just clothing lines…they’re LIFESTYLE lines. I might just pass out.

http://www.jessicasimpsoncollection.com/

Andre Benjamin (Andre 3000 from OutKast) ~ Benjamin Bixby

This is actually super cute… and I approve of this clothing line because it’s just too damn adorable to hate on.

The Benjamin Bixby clothing line by Andre Benjamin, a.k.a. Andre 3000, is a late 1930's inspired line drawn from old college football documentaries. The collection consists of 70 pieces, adding denim from salvaged Japanese fabrics.

I cannot hate this man. Or his hats.

Nelly ~ Apple Bottoms“

Apple Bottoms is a fashion lifestyle brand that caters to trendsetting women of all shapes and sizes. Celebrating and liberating the natural curves of a woman's body is Apple Bottoms' supreme mission. This unique brand is the mastermind of multi-platinum superstar Nelly. He describes the intent behind the design by saying, "A woman should not try to fit the clothes; the clothes should fit the woman!" His creative team of designers crafted the perfect fit for different silhouettes that accentuate the curves of all women. Nelly is personally involved in the process to ensure that the designs enhance the beauty of the woman who wears them.”

I <3>

And yes, I want a pair of those Apple Bottom jeans… but if anyone says anything about furry boots, I will shove them up your ass so far you’ll have to trim them like nose hair. BUT, having said all that. I will never. EVER. Wear skinny jeans, or skinny jeans with blingy apples on them. Just on principal.

Hillary Duff ~ Stuff by Hillary Duff

Give me a MILLION breaks. If the mere thought of knowing more about the Hillary Duff mini-empire… read no further. I know I couldn’t.

http://www.hilaryduff.com/

Her vomitous website is geared towards those in the age bracket that don’t yet have financial independence. The “Disney Records” Recording artist has had a dream for the longest time to have a fashion line, and then a fragrance of her very own… and who were Disney to deny it. She’s also collaborating with DKNY… who obviously think that they can get teenagers who like Hillary Duff to spend 200$ on jeans.

I like it that Hillary thinks she’s a rocker chick. I think that’s cute and really hilarious.

*barf barf barf*

These are obvoiusly not all of the celebrity clothing lines out there, but they are the "stand out" bunch... But again, I have to reiterate... I’m not bitter… I’m just confused… confused that somewhere along the line it was established that the general population really honestly and for true gave a shit about what movie stars did in their down time… not just what they acted in, but that people actually cared what their thoughts and feelings were/are. If you’re one of the millions of Ashton Kutcher Twitter followers, this is for you… it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT that this is happening and we’re FEEDING their egos when we should really just be feeding them to large lizards instead.

This Week in High Fashion: I'm behind! Deal with it!

This Week in High Fashion: I'm behind! Deal with it!

Wed at 3:11pm

I've missed out on a LOT of fashion bashing opportunities lately!! So it's time to catch up!

American Music Awards!!!

The American Music Awards is an interesting entity… I’m sure I’m not alone in judging the US of A for being slightly overburdened with their own importance in that not only do they have awards shows for EVERYTHING and a World Series that ironically involves only American teams…but they do this with everything. So, to help celebrate the completely obvious awesomeness of American Music but separated from Country Music and the Grammy’s and Billboard, and something else I’m sure….

I've selected my favorites...

Let it begin!!!

Janet Jackson… Miss J if you’re nasty? Well Miss J… you look nasty.

But not in the way that you’re singing about… I’m talking like a pseudo hardcore Pocahontas flashback that got caught in a riveting machine… or a poorly equipped bedazzler. Darling, we all know how much money you make… stop doing this to yourself. Are you scared to perform in public while not wearing a full leather tunic and comfortable matching pants? And there is to be no football involved? You’re really making this difficult for us, Miss J.

Jennifer Lopez. I REFUSE to call you J-Lo because I think it’s stupid. And I think you’re even stupider for coining it YOURSELF. And people are shocked that you’re a diva, you mink eyelash wearing fraud! You’re a dancer with a nice booty. You can’t sing, your perfume smells funny, and you know what? MRS. ANTHONY. You look like a cheap Beyonce knockoff in that Thierry Mugler dress. Miss B rocks that shit. You look stumpy.

Rihanna. Oh good lord. You came to the awards show in this FANTASMIC Marchesa dress with gorgeously detailed and delicate floral cut outs… and then changed into The Mummy’s castoffs???? I understand the appeal of the bandaid dress… but while it was hot in the 5th Element… it is SOOOO not here. And to top it off… the shoulder pads had LIGHTS on them??? WTF!!!

Carrie Underwood-y. Not much left to the imagination here… it’s silk, it’s a pair of shorts that I’m sure Katy Perry wished she had though of. Cute, retro… I’m feeling a little ill because I’m going to say it…. Carrie Underwood looks…. *gulp* awesome. I feel dirty now.

Lady Gaga… you are frightening in your genius. I still don’t know who the hell designs your stage wardrobe… and I don’t know if I want to know. I know who styles them… and she frightens me almost as much as you do. So I’m sitting here trying to figure out what exactly you’re wearing… it’s a body stocking… I see that… and it’s a bandaid outfit… and it’s got ribs? Or bones? WTF is that made of? You look like a low budget Halloween costume kid… and WTF happened to your shoes? If you’ve abanonded McQueen for this crap, I don’t know if I love you anymore….

Fergie. *movie scream* And WTF is happing with Will.I.Am and the key-taur/pimp coat combo? And the hair??? *movie scream again*

Stars!

Nicole Kidman and Kate Hudson. I have a short sentence for each of you.

Nicole… dye your hair back to dark red again, you’re fading into the background woman!

Kate… WTF happened to your breasts????? I know you have some!!!! >.<

PS to my readers.... the occasionally used remark *movie scream* is not written as a positive comment! :)