This Week in High Fashion: I'm behind! Deal with it!

This Week in High Fashion: I'm behind! Deal with it!

Wed at 3:11pm

I've missed out on a LOT of fashion bashing opportunities lately!! So it's time to catch up!

American Music Awards!!!

The American Music Awards is an interesting entity… I’m sure I’m not alone in judging the US of A for being slightly overburdened with their own importance in that not only do they have awards shows for EVERYTHING and a World Series that ironically involves only American teams…but they do this with everything. So, to help celebrate the completely obvious awesomeness of American Music but separated from Country Music and the Grammy’s and Billboard, and something else I’m sure….

I've selected my favorites...

Let it begin!!!

Janet Jackson… Miss J if you’re nasty? Well Miss J… you look nasty.

But not in the way that you’re singing about… I’m talking like a pseudo hardcore Pocahontas flashback that got caught in a riveting machine… or a poorly equipped bedazzler. Darling, we all know how much money you make… stop doing this to yourself. Are you scared to perform in public while not wearing a full leather tunic and comfortable matching pants? And there is to be no football involved? You’re really making this difficult for us, Miss J.

Jennifer Lopez. I REFUSE to call you J-Lo because I think it’s stupid. And I think you’re even stupider for coining it YOURSELF. And people are shocked that you’re a diva, you mink eyelash wearing fraud! You’re a dancer with a nice booty. You can’t sing, your perfume smells funny, and you know what? MRS. ANTHONY. You look like a cheap Beyonce knockoff in that Thierry Mugler dress. Miss B rocks that shit. You look stumpy.

Rihanna. Oh good lord. You came to the awards show in this FANTASMIC Marchesa dress with gorgeously detailed and delicate floral cut outs… and then changed into The Mummy’s castoffs???? I understand the appeal of the bandaid dress… but while it was hot in the 5th Element… it is SOOOO not here. And to top it off… the shoulder pads had LIGHTS on them??? WTF!!!

Carrie Underwood-y. Not much left to the imagination here… it’s silk, it’s a pair of shorts that I’m sure Katy Perry wished she had though of. Cute, retro… I’m feeling a little ill because I’m going to say it…. Carrie Underwood looks…. *gulp* awesome. I feel dirty now.

Lady Gaga… you are frightening in your genius. I still don’t know who the hell designs your stage wardrobe… and I don’t know if I want to know. I know who styles them… and she frightens me almost as much as you do. So I’m sitting here trying to figure out what exactly you’re wearing… it’s a body stocking… I see that… and it’s a bandaid outfit… and it’s got ribs? Or bones? WTF is that made of? You look like a low budget Halloween costume kid… and WTF happened to your shoes? If you’ve abanonded McQueen for this crap, I don’t know if I love you anymore….

Fergie. *movie scream* And WTF is happing with Will.I.Am and the key-taur/pimp coat combo? And the hair??? *movie scream again*

Stars!

Nicole Kidman and Kate Hudson. I have a short sentence for each of you.

Nicole… dye your hair back to dark red again, you’re fading into the background woman!

Kate… WTF happened to your breasts????? I know you have some!!!! >.<

PS to my readers.... the occasionally used remark *movie scream* is not written as a positive comment! :)