I've missed out on a LOT of fashion bashing opportunities lately!! So it's time to catch up!
Jennifer Lopez. I REFUSE to call you J-Lo because I think it’s stupid. And I think you’re even stupider for coining it YOURSELF. And people are shocked that you’re a diva, you mink eyelash wearing fraud! You’re a dancer with a nice booty. You can’t sing, your perfume smells funny, and you know what? MRS. ANTHONY. You look like a cheap Beyonce knockoff in that Thierry Mugler dress. Miss B rocks that shit. You look stumpy.
Rihanna. Oh good lord. You came to the awards show in this FANTASMIC Marchesa dress with gorgeously detailed and delicate floral cut outs… and then changed into The Mummy’s castoffs???? I understand the appeal of the bandaid dress… but while it was hot in the 5th Element… it is SOOOO not here. And to top it off… the shoulder pads had LIGHTS on them??? WTF!!!
Carrie Underwood-y. Not much left to the imagination here… it’s silk, it’s a pair of shorts that I’m sure Katy Perry wished she had though of. Cute, retro… I’m feeling a little ill because I’m going to say it…. Carrie Underwood looks…. *gulp* awesome. I feel dirty now.
Lady Gaga… you are frightening in your genius. I still don’t know who the hell designs your stage wardrobe… and I don’t know if I want to know. I know who styles them… and she frightens me almost as much as you do. So I’m sitting here trying to figure out what exactly you’re wearing… it’s a body stocking… I see that… and it’s a bandaid outfit… and it’s got ribs? Or bones? WTF is that made of? You look like a low budget Halloween costume kid… and WTF happened to your shoes? If you’ve abanonded McQueen for this crap, I don’t know if I love you anymore….
Fergie. *movie scream* And WTF is happing with Will.I.Am and the key-taur/pimp coat combo? And the hair??? *movie scream again*