This Week in High Fashion: I Kind of Hate Celebrity Clothing Lines…

This Week in High Fashion: I Kind of Hate Celebrity Clothing Lines…

Yesterday at 2:24pm

Kats and Kittens… you’ve probably come to realize that Makeup and Hair by Kat has an opinion on pretty much everything. And it’s true… I do have an opinion on literally everything. Precociously enough, it’s usually negative. Not because I’m bitter (ok maybe a little) not because I’m jealous, and not because of any other roundabout Freudian reason… it’s just that I’m an opinionated type of gal… and I’m not afraid to vomit it on the interwebs to share with all of you.
So my darlings, with Fashion Weeks rapidly disappearing, what do I have left to post about? WELL… A disturbingly, alarmingly prevalent Hollywood trend that started way back in the golden ages of Hollywood glory….the celebrity shill.
1. a person who poses as a customer in order to decoy others into participating, as at a a gambling house, auction, confidence game, etc.
2. a person who publicizes or praises something or someone for reasons of self-interest, personal profit, or friendship or loyalty.
Now as it used to be done, back when capitalism was new and shiney, stars would endorse products right and left…Jane Russell for Playtex bras and girdles, George Burns and Gracie Allen promoted Carnation Milk, baseball great Yogi Berra promoted everything...you get the idea.
In modern Hollywood…the big lugs in charge have convinced themselves that the common public is retarded and will buy whatever a popular star is promoting, singing, wearing, smelling like, drinking, snorting, dieting, driving, etc. Celebrity endorsements go beyond the commercials now…”You’re popular…you should make a perfume, and then release an album and a makeup line.”
Kiss. My. Ass.
SO, today I will be reviewing celebrity clothing lines…those that I semi-admire because they’re actually kind of ok at it, and those that suck and I want to beat with a sharp rock.
Justin Timberlake ~ William Rast
A few things to be noted here:
a) JT doesn’t design… he just says “I like that shade of grey”
b) the company is actually run by a team of 3 other peoplec) It actually doesn’t suck for the most part, although as with any fashion house, there are some spectacular fuck ups happening on the runway.
d) Their mission statement: “New America is here, and with it, William Rast is embracing the renewed confidence and vision.” This to me is a little humorous. In reality, the “New America” is broke and terrified of itself. I don’t know if they’re tapping the right markets here…

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen ~ “Elizabeth and James” and their couture line “The Row”While MK&Assley seem to think that they’re progressing past Tar-jey and maturing in their lives and designing… you’ve really got to be joking me. Two train wrecks who can’t decide which side of the fashion fence they’re on while clearly hurtling at light speed in two different directions can in NO WAY construct a cohesive fashion line… let alone an ensemble for an evening out. One sister is rocking a boho heroin chic grande latte look, while the other would rather wear leapord print and heels. Give me a giant flying break ladies.

Kate Moss ~ Kate Moss clothing TopShop
I love original celebrity clothing line names, I really do. Why be painted into a corner by the expectations of your own label! Way to step out Kate, way to…. oh… right…
It’s been photographically proven on MANY occasions that while supermodels may wear fabulous clothing and look glamorous every day of the week…if left to their own devices, they have no freaking idea how to dress themselves. I would not wear clothing designed (read “picked out”) by this woman.
The BEST part of this… TopShop is just SPECKLED about having her on board to promote their stores.www.katemosstopshop.com
My favourite part, the explanation of the Kate Moss aesthetic. “When it comes to getting dress, Kate follows her mood. Rather than rocking a catwalk look or intelluctualising current trends, Kate prefers to go with her feelings and emotions to inspire the looks we’ve come to know and love…. unlike the rest of us, it’s only for special occasions that Kate plans out her look…”
You poor poor peasants. Don’t you wish you could be Just. Like. Her.????
No. Not really. You look like crap Kate.

Jennifer Lopez ~ Sweetface Clothing + some gross perfume
“Sweetface fashion strives to be an inspiration for women.
Combining elegance with street sensibility.
”Don’t forget FUR. LOTS and LOTS of fur.
Fuck you J Lo!
But on a fashion-y level… I can’t say that I see a lot of street style in this collection…
Unless “exposed zippers” counts.

Beyonce/Tina Knowles ~ House of Dereon
Now, my program won’t let me put in all of the accents that make that title so fabulous… but you get the hint right?
Let me break Dereon down for you. Beyonce pays the bills, and in return, her mother gets to call herself a “stylist to the stars” and designs trashy dresses for runways they will never see. Riiight. Oh, and Miss B (or “Kick” according to the website) is the muse of the collection, and also gets to sing about it in her songs. Thanks Mom.
“Gloss on my lips, man on my hips, holds me tighter than my Dereon Jeans…”
I notice she’s wearing Thierry Mugler for ALL of her tour dates this year Mommy. Sorry.

Jessica Simpson ~ Jessica Simpson
OH. MY. GOD. What a PERFECT name for your clothing line! It’s as witty, charming, intelligent, and downright perfect as YOU are, Jessica!
I forgot to mention, sweet, overplayed, boring, fake, poorly made, and available at a Sears, Walmart and Target near you.
And I’ve noticed that a lot of these things are not just clothing lines…they’re LIFESTYLE lines. I might just pass out.

Andre Benjamin (Andre 3000 from OutKast) ~ Benjamin Bixby
This is actually super cute… and I approve of this clothing line because it’s just too damn adorable to hate on.
The Benjamin Bixby clothing line by Andre Benjamin, a.k.a. Andre 3000, is a late 1930's inspired line drawn from old college football documentaries. The collection consists of 70 pieces, adding denim from salvaged Japanese fabrics.
I cannot hate this man. Or his hats.

Nelly ~ Apple Bottoms“
Apple Bottoms is a fashion lifestyle brand that caters to trendsetting women of all shapes and sizes. Celebrating and liberating the natural curves of a woman's body is Apple Bottoms' supreme mission. This unique brand is the mastermind of multi-platinum superstar Nelly. He describes the intent behind the design by saying, "A woman should not try to fit the clothes; the clothes should fit the woman!" His creative team of designers crafted the perfect fit for different silhouettes that accentuate the curves of all women. Nelly is personally involved in the process to ensure that the designs enhance the beauty of the woman who wears them.”
I <3>
And yes, I want a pair of those Apple Bottom jeans… but if anyone says anything about furry boots, I will shove them up your ass so far you’ll have to trim them like nose hair. BUT, having said all that. I will never. EVER. Wear skinny jeans, or skinny jeans with blingy apples on them. Just on principal.

Hillary Duff ~ Stuff by Hillary Duff
Give me a MILLION breaks. If the mere thought of knowing more about the Hillary Duff mini-empire… read no further. I know I couldn’t.
Her vomitous website is geared towards those in the age bracket that don’t yet have financial independence. The “Disney Records” Recording artist has had a dream for the longest time to have a fashion line, and then a fragrance of her very own… and who were Disney to deny it. She’s also collaborating with DKNY… who obviously think that they can get teenagers who like Hillary Duff to spend 200$ on jeans.
I like it that Hillary thinks she’s a rocker chick. I think that’s cute and really hilarious.
*barf barf barf*

These are obvoiusly not all of the celebrity clothing lines out there, but they are the "stand out" bunch... But again, I have to reiterate... I’m not bitter… I’m just confused… confused that somewhere along the line it was established that the general population really honestly and for true gave a shit about what movie stars did in their down time… not just what they acted in, but that people actually cared what their thoughts and feelings were/are. If you’re one of the millions of Ashton Kutcher Twitter followers, this is for you… it’s YOUR FUCKING FAULT that this is happening and we’re FEEDING their egos when we should really just be feeding them to large lizards instead.

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