This Week in High Fashion: Why I love DecemberShare

This Week in High Fashion: Why I love DecemberShare

Today at 11:24am

I love December for a few reasons, kittens… warm scarves, cable knit tights (not the strange leggings from runways past), funky boots (but not the thigh high ones from previous postings), coats to fulfill my coat fetish issues for the year, and recaps. Highlights of the year… I love them. They’re all over the radio “Songs of the year”, or on TV “Top movies of the year”, etc etc etc… trust me to find a photo essay of the “Year in Fashion”. Of course I have my favorite runway moments, which I’ve assembled for you all.

I was trying to think of an original way to present these little gems to you all, and I think I will do it….. with song.

*cough cough*

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, an overly muscled model in the trees….”

I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to revisit the horrendousness that was the DSquared2 S/S 2010 collection, but it had to happen. It was horrible. The models were all kinds of hot and ripped and yum… but all attraction dies when you see the camping gear that D2 decided to throw down the runway this year. Again… guy, we know you’re Canadian… but give us a freaking flying flaming break… NO ONE will pay that much for camping attire that isn’t from Mountain Equipment Co-Op.

WTF D2... seriously... WTF... a sleeping bag cape? Is that what's happening here? I've said it before, but I'll say it again... you're making Canadian's look bad. Not all of us camp.

“On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two Kazakh models in horrible hats for all to see…”

See now, here I have a little surprise… I didn’t know that Kazakhstan had a fashion week… but from seeing this picture, it’s probably best that I didn’t know.

Your hats may be hiding your faces, but it can't hide the fact that you're trying to be shocking in Kazakhstan, a country where being a model will not save you from being stoned for faking to kiss each other.

“On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three Lagerfeld models, who are dressed like milkmaids…”

Lagerfeld… Lagerfeld…. Lagerfeld… you will appear three times on this list… like the ghosts that haunted Ebenezer Scrooge I just can’t seem to shake you… we’ll call this one, the ghost of Christmas past, because to me, this S/S 2010 line looks like it belongs in a Vermeer painting of milkmaids circa 1658.



“On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four models eating… and I know that you’re as shocked as me…”

Japan Fashion Week yielded some of the most interesting photos that I’ve commented on this year… mainly because there were a LOT of photos of models INHALING food…instead of downing nothing but water and cigarettes… these girls really knew how to put away the groceries (as my father in law likes to say).

Models eating??? Nooooo!

“On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. FIVE AWKWARD MOMENTS…..”

I’m going to have some fun and try to guess what is going on in this photo… you can play along too…
Model laughing in the background: “Anna Wintour said the dress wasn’t ugly, but that it made you look fatter.”
Model listening: “I hate you”
Designer: “Oh god oh god oh god, stay calm, this isn’t happening, its all a dream…imagine she’s in her underwear…yes, that makes everything easier… now I can relax… OH GOD SHE’S REAL”
Anna Wintour: “I hate everything, I can’t believe I’m in New York looking at these beaded messes and tie dyed rags.”
Bodyguard: “Step away from Miss Wintour’s hair…”
I also can’t believe that Anna Wintour isn’t wearing sunglasses…I think being able to see her eyes would terrify me more if I was that designer… you can see your death in those eyes…

Oh to be a fly on the wall... and to not be the designer who is more than likely getting reamed out by that scary woman.

“On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. another attempted comeback!”

Isaac Mizrahi, I remember when you were the KING of fashion in New York… you were quirky, you were fun, you had a little dog that all the models loved… Linda, Naomi, and Christina all wore your designs… but that was in 1990… then you started designing exclusively for Target (Tar-jay?)… and then for Fairweather when that fell through… and now… you’re at New York Fashion Week?? I see a messy skirt, and a mannish shirt with a high necked blouse… comeback after comeback after comeback and you’re still trying to turn beautiful women into men… I don’t know if you’ve got another one left Isaac…but I’m still entertained in a trainwreck kind of way…

Isaac Mizrahi thinks you're beautiful... but also thinks that you would look even MORE beautiful if you looked like a boy.

“On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. models bailing on the runway!”

Now I don’t know about you, but there is always some perverse pleasure to be taken from seeing beautiful things being broken… Beyonce falling down the stairs at a concert, models in expensive clothes and tall shoes slipping and sliding all over the shiny runway… now this may make me a bad person… but fuck it. Designers need to know that their clothes aren’t wearable… and unfortunately for the models, its their job to show us that that skirt is too tight to walk in, or the designer heels are too stupid to be in regular market circulation. (speaking of which, I don’t know HOW Alexander McQueen’s models didn’t bail down the runway at his “Plato’s Atlantis” show this year.)

Catwalk Fail.

Oh Crazy Shoes... Lady Gaga truly is the only person on earth who can wear you and not look stupid or awkward.

“On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…. a runway by the sea!”

Enter the ghost of Christmas present… Lagerfeld entry number 2… Chanel's 09/10 cruise collection at the Excelsior hotel on the Venice Lido. Despite being specifically geared towards the “cruise community” I actually liked this collection…. I loved the 20’s hair, the stripes… the lace… this year was all about throwing back to previous eras… thankfully much of the throwback that was going on was to the 1920’s… so while being historically inspired in nearly every way, Lagerfeld was also tapping into a sense of the kinship that the international community was feeling with eras past who also went through hard times and came out of it with some semblance of their glamour and high spirits…. or maybe not… sometimes fashion is deep… and sometimes…. it’s really not. Like really Lagerfeld, you DO realize that the people buying clothes specifically to go cruising in generally tend to favour classy velour leisure suits, and matching sweatshirts that say “Best Vacation Ever” and “Just Maui-ed”, right? Maybe the “cruise community” in Europe is a little classier than the North American variety… for Chanel’s sake… I hope so.

People who can afford to buy these clothes... do not cruise...

“On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me… several strange runway venues in creepy parts of town…”

From Milan, to New York, to here at home in Vancouver… runways were in all kinds of messed up places this year… a carpet warehouse in Gastown, an armory in New York, and some back alley in Milan… nice and classy does it folks… nice and classy… watch your Prada shoes… I think that might NOT be a puddle of water over there…. enjoy the Porta Potties Miss Wintour! Oh the shame. And people wonder why some of these fashion weeks don’t get the press they deserve…

The Armoury!

The Back Alley!

“On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… underwear and bikini’s from the runway to my tree!”

I know that Victoria Secret started a trend of making it hip and cool to have a fashion show entirely made up of hot women in very little clothing… but I’m not sure how that got to be something that was included on the Milan runway… that’s like showing Baby Phat’s newest line in Paris Fashion Week… it’s just not right… and it leaves me feeling a little dirtier than a regular showing of undies would… VC has it down to an art, and they have FUN with it because they don’t take themselves too seriously. Unfortunately, once you put it on a Milan runway, all of a sudden… they get all weird and snotty… and take their fringed underpants seriously… I’m curious what actually had to go on for a designer like “Pin-Up stars” to get on the runway…and why they didn’t request a stripper pole.

Pin-Up Stars?
How about Stripper Idol?

“On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, in a sea of barefaced models, some fun makeup for once, oh the glee!”

F/W 09/10 Chanel, actually had makeup…after a fashion season that started off horribly enough in Barcelona and continued on through the various Fashion Weeks with parade after parade of bare faced, glossy faced or NO MAKEUP models, I’m always happy to see SOME kind of effort in this department. I am however, very sad that it’s come to this… haute runways are supposed to be about glamour, over the top beauty, and fantasy… so I have to admit that I was pretty crushed this year… the few bright spots that did come up, were minimal to say the least, but when help up against their competition… I guess I’ll take the best of what’s around.


“On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… some hilarious designer interviews, and the knowledge that some of them are totally cray-zee”

Karl Lagerfeld… you…. YOU are CRAZY. ‘I am a genius’, ‘I am an alien’… and like the ghost of Christmases yet to come, you show us what life would be like without your hugely dark sunglass-ed, leather-gloved, high collared presence… and some are terrified… some are upset, and some, like me… will be happy to see the House of Chanel come back from the abyss of frumpiness to which you’ve brought it…

Karkl Lagerfeld... self proclaimed visionary, genius, alien... and crazy pants.

I’ll trade you your sunglasses for this pretty metal hat I got from Lie Sang Bong…. c’mon…you know you want it….

Now receiving Karl Lagerfeld's newest innovations...

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