This Week in High Fashion: Oh My Gawd….SHOES

This Week in High Fashion: Oh My Gawd….SHOES

Often times when viewing a collection, a magazine spread, a look book, or anything to do with fashion…what are we all looking at? The clothes of course…well, some of us look at other things…I obsess over hair and makeup and the model’s posing, others focus on the accessories, like handbags and jewelry…and a precious few drool all over whatever the model has on her feet. Unfortunately for most people, being tall means you have big flipper feet…which is no fun because everyone knows that shoes only look cute if they’re size 7 or smaller. *le sigh* What I wouldn’t give to see a high fashion model with size 11 feet clomping down the runway. Alas, the gods are never so kind.

I know quite a few shoe fetish gals (and even a few guys…let’s not discriminate) so my darlings…from the runways of the world…this is for you…

If you’ll notice in my past note, Cavalli makes me a little nauseous…and little nostalgic for my days in the Anthropology department at UVIC. Cavalli is overly fond of animal prints and fur this season…and I know a LOT of ladies who are super into animal print, and more power to ya…but I just can’t do it.
This being the case, I was a little surprised that I liked the Just Cavalli shoe selection that came out in Milan…straps and brocade…a little bit baroque, a little bit bordello. It’s not a bad mix…and it’s certainly not animal print. *clappity clappity*

Classy and Cavalli don't always go together...but I like these. I don't think I could walk very far...but I like them.

Isaac Mizrahi…I’ve talked to you before about your predilection for garbage wear…and comebacks. I have to admit, I’m a little perplexed as to:
a) Why you were permitted to show at NY Fashion week…but then again, as Toronto Fashion week has been overtaken by QVC, why the hell not. Target’s probably a sponsor, so you had an inside track already.
b) HTF (as in wHo the fuck) are you dressing these days?
c) WTF is happening with this rain-pump? Is it a shoe? Is it a bootie? Is it waterproof? Is it a cleverly designed bucket? Is the bottom slippery? WTF Isaac. Seriously.

These would look so cool with fish swimming in them. I think I'll buy a pair at Target and then get a new Siamese Fighting fish and a little water plant. Cool.

Ahhhh Blumarine. I used to think you were classy, Blumarine…and then…then I saw your Milan Fall/Winter 2010/2011 collection…next year, Blumarine wants us all to dress like that extra special auntie that we all have…you know the one I’m talking about… The one who always insists on buying you clothing that you hate, that also happens to be one size too big. I have an aunt like this…one year, she got me socks with leopard printed fun-fur on the top, and matching gloves…I love her to bits…but holy shit am I glad she stopped buying me clothes.
Blumarine has several options for your animal printed needs…
The ssssexy ssssslouchy sssnakessskin, which probably only looks good with metallic leggings (please refer to this post to complete your ensemble (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Vancouver-BC/Makeup-and-Hair-by-Kat/122609919268?v=app_2347471856#!/note.php?note_id=251680471003)


The slouchy white tiger accident waiting to happen…

White Tiger? Really? Is this Cavalli or Sigfried?

Oh oops…the fringed zebra bootie result…this is what happens when zebra’s are slouchy…they get caught by something cheetah printed, like Lindsay Lohan’s leggings…and poof…bad fashion happens.

Zebra down!!

Proof positive of why I think that Barcelona fashion week is a joke…Manuel Bolano. WTF is happening here? Tuxedo shirt ruffles from the 70’s , down the front of elephant grey pants (um…what about a lavender grey, or a dove grey? WHY elephant grey?!) fluffy ankle warmer, moon-boot looking things, and then the elephant grey clog-boot-platform heels. WTF. I wish I could do larger font because I am BAFFLED by this. I’m glad we can’t see the models face, because she probably looks about as ill as this photo makes me feel.

There's an elephant in the room...and I'm talking shit about it.

Now, as much as I go on and on and on about how much I absolutely ABHOR DSquared2’s sense of fashion…I absolutely 180’d on these shoes. HOLY awesome. Now, I have to say that it looks to me like D2 is ripping off McQueen’s brilliant shoes from his Spring show (Plato’s Atlantis)…but you be the judge…
Yes, I know it’s a spine, and spine’s are different than reptile and mechanical…but seriously…I can’t give D2 that much credit.

These shoes have more spine than the designers. Literally.

I see you D2...ripping of McQueen's style...ripping of McQueen's style...

Prada Prada Prada…I can’t say enough how much I totally love your 60’s high school prom princess/secretary look. Cable knit tights and open toes t-strap strappy heels with a bow?? Eeeeeeeeeee! Love Love Love. You’re making the holy ghost of Audrey Hepburn cry, you seriously are, and it’s not because she’s sad that Paris Hilton wants to look like her. These are happy tears.

Prada cuteness!

The Audrey is pleased.

My favorite “WTF is happening here” moment goes to Aminaka Wilmont…2010 Autumn/Winter. Are these rainboot covers? So you can wear your favorite blue suede heels without worrying about getting them wet? Perhaps it’s fashionable to look like you’ve got hooves or black lumps for feet now? Did I miss that trend?
The ting about these is…at first, I thought they were overshoes, but now that I look closer, it’s not…the shoe is ACTUALLY designed this way. Snaps up at the top for that snug, leg-slimming effect….NOT. These look like they were fashioned out of a vinyl record that was left in the sun for too long.

WTF. Seriously. WTF.


The “70’s Disco Moment” award goes to Victorio & Lucchino at Cibeles Madrid Fashion Week. I love these boots. I actually love them a lot. Would I wear them? No. Why? Because like that creepy uncle who’s company you really do enjoy, the hug lingers just a little too long…

Dancing Queen, eat your heart out.

Dennis Basso Fall 2010 at NY Fashion week. That’s all I have to say about that.

and possibly spiky. But perhaps this will cut down on those pesky people who like to forget about personal space and get all up close when you're walking in the mall...hi-YAH! *spike*

Project Runway winner Christian Siriano seriously rocks my world. Another borrowing from the McQueen awesomeness of Spring 2010, I super love these Baroque swirly chrome heels. Mega Fierce.

Chromed hotness.

Sea coral hotness.
I see the similar.

Pamela Roland…you give me another cause to pause…WTF (Why the fuck) did you bling out these spats? WHY. Spats are supposed to be classy…a la Scrooge McDuck…

these…are so not classy.

Spats...spats are hot. But these are not.

Ladies...if you want beautiful and classy spats, go visit my friend Claire in gastown…she has some hot spats in her hot store. http://www.planetclaire.ca

And now my dears...I leave you with one of my new favorite things.


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