This Week in High Fashion: Milan Madness…2010 Edition!

This Week in High Fashion: Milan Madness…2010 Edition!

That’s right possums…I’m back from vacation, and wow did I ever miss a LOT of fashion while I was away…..for SHAME!
But it’s not my fault….really it’s not…I was all caught up in Olympic fever…swept away by the sea of red and white….ok not really. I was hiding in my house away from the crazy people downtown with your ugly mittens and scary patterned pants.

There are other, more important things happening in the world right now…like MILAN FASHION WEEK. HELL-O….priorities, people…where are your priorities!?!

Who was showing at Milan Fashion week? Only the best of the best…that’s what I expect from Milan. Last year…I was a tad disappointed. This year…it feels much the same….although, my levels of confusion have lowered slightly.

Even as far back as October 2009, I was having issues with DSqaured2…and the fact that they’re coming across as not only the fakest of the fakey-fakes…really…how many of you would like to bet that Dan and Dean have EVER been camping? Like “outside” camping? Anyone? I thought not….but the blatent exploitation of Canadian stereotypes is losing it’s “camp” value…yes, I said camp again…but in a completely different context and meaning. Did everyone catch that? Sweet.
I’m still having problems with D2…I will probably always have problems with them. I accept this.

Fall/Winter 2010/11, it looks like Dan and Dean have forgotten the Canadian schtick…but remembered to put some dramatic makeup on the runway and decorate the place with a few awkwardly swaddled male model in the corner…which is great, because when D2 models turn sideways, they all but disappear…wtf is that about? I’m glad we have something else to focus on.

All I can see is the beefy guy wrapped in bandaids...it's probably for the best.

I've noticed that a lot of designers are paying homage to McQueen by copying his shoe construction… thumbs up for that, D2…but then again, or as usual, D2 is about a season behind, and the rest of their collection looks like is belongs to late 90’s Versace, right down to the giant inappropriate sunglasses…hmmm.

Late 90's Versace...comin atchaaaaaa....oh...wait...*ahem* DSquared2 Fall/Winter 2010/2011

I couldn’t find many pictures of the D2 collection…but this is probably a good thing, as I only saw one thing I liked…

I would actually wear this.
I'm actually sad about that.

Oh look…fur.
Hate you even more now D2.

Pew Pew Pew

I can't help but wonder if this is Canadian grown and slaughtered fur...bastards.

Seduzioni Diamonds Valeria Marini Fall/Winter 2010/11 gets an honorable mention for 2 reasons. 1) Longest most useless “never heard of you” designer name ever. 2) GORGEOUS hair and makeup. Thank you for bringing Hollywood glamour back to the catwalk. Veronica Lake is pleased. Not big on the dress, or anything else in this line…but hey…makeup!


Dolce & Gabbana…showed both of their lines in Milan…one line, I LOVED….the other one…not so much.
LOVED the classic Dolce & Gabbana…tailoring, sexy suiting…oh yeah…even with just underpants. If I could look like that in a suit, I wouldn’t wear pants to work either.

How can you NOT want to break into spontaneous hot Chorus Line moves? I would.

I get the fact that the D&G label is supposed to be fun and sporty and stuff…I get that. But are you freaking kidding me? I wondered where DSquared had lost their Canadiana…and now I know how found it and I don’t want to know where they found it.
Do I REALLY see reindeer on those sock-boots? REALLY? And WTF is all that crap hanging off the purse? It’s Richmond Night Market cell phone bling/ornamentation isn’t it…ISN’T IT!!!???!!!

Yes, there are reindeer on those booties.

Oh…and as if the sock booties weren’t enough…they made entire ski (?) suits out of this crap…in material that looks better suited to a speed skating rink than a model who likely doesn’t do any physical activity of any kind that doesn’t involve lifting a cigarette to her face or clomping around in those giant furry boots…yikes. I'm sorry...are those Swarovski encrusted ski goggles? They ARE? YIKES.

There is so much wrong with this image that I can't even begin to type it all out...just drink in the horror...

I'm blinded by the bad taste.

Also getting a special WTF mention this week…is Bianca Gervasio designing for Mila Schon…
Now…I have to acknowledge that I say this quite often when no one’s listening…
Those who can’t do, teach…and those who can’t dress themselves, design clothing lines. I’m always amazed to see dumpy little women designing clothing for tall size 0 women instead of for women who come in a similar size.

"One of these things is not like the others...one of these things just doesn't belong...la la lala la"

WHY would you do this to yourself? If you’re a real woman…design clothes for REAL women. Leave the rest for Donatella Versace…we all know she’s not human.


Salvatore Ferragamo used to design beautiful clothing for women…feminine, detailed, flattering…

Salvatore in better womenswear days

and then somewhere along the way, he decided that women needed to look like men to be attractive.

Salvatore dresses gorgeous women like men...

Is it because it's comfortable? Or do women REALLY feel that they have to dress as men and drown their femininity to get ahead in the work world?

Salvatore and Isaac Mizrahi should get together and have a little chit-chat. Oh…his handbags and shoes are still to DIE for though. He can keep making those.

Ignore the Carrie Bradshaw action...focus on the feathery purse. FOCUS.

Cavalli. Anytime I see Lindsay Lohan in any kind of audience, I want to scream. How this little trainwreck gets into these events, I’ll never know. But I could say the same for the the Jersey Shore whores who keep crashing A-list parties. They’re all so sneaky.

Lindsay will steal your soul and sell it for coke money.

Thankfully for Lindsay Lohan, Cavalli is keeping is slutty this season…so she’ll feel RIGHT at home.
For the discerning Neolithic prostitute, Cavalli is the ONLY place to shop.

Neolithic Prostitute, hard at work.

Shredded and layered animal print and fur, how can you go wrong with that? The just REEKS of style and class…..can you smell the irony? I can. Mmmmmm.

I have to say, that I'm also extreeeeemely disappointed that I can’t even drag myself out of this slutty funk with the much needed class of Emporio Armani and Prada…and why is this you ask? The two examples I could find, were steadfastly disappointing...

Armani, are we channeling Tim Burton? Last season I saw gloves as scarves...now WTF is this? As stunning as this model is, all I can think of is Nightmare Before Christmas..."I am the one hiding under your stairs...fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair..." Tim Burton didn't mention anything about Armani, but I bet his mosters are stylish.

Prada's runway could have been my mother's graduating class from East Van High circa 1964...

Oh Milan…have you really abandoned me like Paris did last season??

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