This Week in High Fashion: I've got my Knickers in a Knot...

Here in Vancouver, as with many Canadian cities, there’s a little rag paper that gets thrust into your unwilling, frozen, or otherwise overburdened hands on your way to work in the morning….it’s call 24 hours. It’s a rag paper. Recycled news from other sources and some “local colour” thrown in for fun… As I rarely read what is so often strewn about the skytrain cabins, I was surprised to learn this morning that 24 hours has a FASHION section. REALLY. I can’t even reenact the look of shock on my face….which predictably enough, turned to a look of disgust and perhaps with even a dash of righteous indignation thrown in.

The reason for the indignation you ask? Well, not like it takes much for me to lose my shit about fashion and what certain people in certain positions of perceived power have to say about it…I give you…Twisted Panties. Oh yes…you heard me. Twisted Panites. Two ladies giving advice to poor downtrodden women about what they should wear, how to get into a relationship, maintain it once you’ve TRAPPED the poor bastard, and most importantly…the search for the perfect pair of jeans. BARF.
As if Cosmopolitan and Flare weren’t enough reason to curse your womb and beg for the sense of Maxim…

But I digress.
This morning, care of the ladies at Twisted Panties, I was presented with my dictated choices for best LBD. Anyone who’s read this blog before KNOWS how much I utterly loathe the phrase LBD…acronym or not. How have women been reduced to this? You’re nothing without the perfect little black dress. NOTHING!!!! AND WHY DON’T YOU LOVE CARRIE BRADSHAW LIKE WE DO??? Back the fuck off, you screeching bitches.
Some of us have better things to do with our lives than follow the misadventures of New York’s most rapidly aging 18 year old slut and her “bestest” friends. UGGGG.
Twisted Panties would like YOU, yes you, women of Vancouver…to buy these career making dresses from specific places…like Jacob, Banana Republic, the Bay etc. I think it’s not so much the dresses themselves, but it’s the way in which the dresses are presented that is really cutting off the circulation…

“…perfect for business travel, especially if you plan on seducing one of your co-workers”
“…in fact, it looks and feels better with nothing on underneath.”
“…the perfect LBD to wear to the Sex and the City 2 premiere!!!!!”

WOW it’s a really great thing that women have come so far in society that we can avoid those silly stereotypes of only getting ahead in the office if we put out, and thank GOD we all LOVE Sex and the City…we love it enough to go to the premiere in a $300 dress!!! And OMG it’s SO lucky that we’re all a size 0-2 because those dresses look SO horrible on those fat chicks. PHEW.

Hold on for just one hot mess of a minute.
Not everyone is a size zero…and we all know that Jacob just doesn’t fit right if you have a rack that’s anywhere over a B-cup. And hips? Hello…some of us (this bitter blogger included) have them…in spades…
Let’s ignore for a moment how annoyed I am with this article and explore instead something else…like other options in the little (insert colour here) dress category.
Why black? Yes, it looks great on everyone, yes, you can wear it to the office and then out to get laid with your co-workers after your workday, yes, you can wear it to the PTA meeting and then to seduce your child’s teacher…we get it.
How about some colour? How about some LOCAL colour???

Nightshade is all about the locals…and so…I give you some LOCAL, SUSTAINABLE, and dare I say it…AWESOME alternatives to the prohibitively BORING styles in today’s 24 hours fashion section…

Retro styles are always IN style…I know that Carrie isn’t wearing it, but give me a freaking break already, she’s also not usually wearing underwear…you try that in the summer in some of the skirts she’s wearing.

Scout Boutique ~ 152 East 8th Ave Vancouver
Featuring a few gems from labels like Sweet Soul, Misty Greer (both Vancouver local) and Stop Staring…why the hell would you settle for black??? But if you MUST follow the crowd, at least do it in style.

Dress by Sweet Soul~Lace is going to be big in 2010...if you're going to hop on the trend boat, look hot while doing it.

Dress by Sweet Soul~ This dress looks hot on EVERYONE...regardless of bodyshape. Trust me on this one...these women, know boobies and butts.

"Paris" Dress by Stop Staring~ $130.00

"Ava" dress by Stop Staring~ $137.00

Retro kitten dress by Stop Staring~ $154.00

The thing about Vancouver, we’re pretty uptight about our environmentals…have you ever worn a soy cotton dress? I can’t even describe how amazing it feels on your skin…you should try it, for reals.

Planet Claire Sustainable Fashion~ 212 Abbott Street, Gastown

Planet Claire is one of my favorite places and favorite people…she carries locally designed, sustainable/organic/upcycled clothing from some of the best labels around. Adhesif, Sweet Soul, Carny Love, Flora and Fauna, Lav and Kush, NATE Organics, and MORE…why the hell would you drag your ass into the Bay??? Seriously.

If you simply CAN’T live without a LBD, opt for a local, awesome option…
Flora and Fauna have some gorgeous black dresses that are classy, organic, and beautiful on EVERY bodytype…

The moral of the story kittens?
Well, there are two.
One, don’t let the quest for thr “perfect” LBD consume your life…there is better shit out there. Trust me.
Two, don’t ever say LBD in my presence, you will be shunned.

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